Mayawathi’s decision to unveil statues of herself has been welcomed by pigeons from all over Uttar Pradesh. An unnamed member of Pigeons Association of UP (PAU), representing the interests of pigeons across UP has hailed move calling it a remarkable example of concern for the well being of pigeons.

“We have never had a leader who was so concerned about us. These statues will help pigeons lighten themselves. In fact I will be delighted to remove my wastes on the honorable Mayawathi. I have always wanted to do that. In fact she deserves every bit of what is coming out of me,” a pigeon member of the PAU told this blogger over a cup of tea.

Pigeons all over UP started celebrating as news of the decision trickled in. “When Mayawathi wanted to convert various monuments of UP into malls, I was really angry with her. But those days there were very few statues of her in UP. The ones that she had already unveiled were in demand and were always covered in piles of pigeon refuse. Now these new statues of her will lighten the load on existing statues,” another member said.

This blogger has learnt that the UP government has set aside US$ 10 million towards making these statues pigeon proof. Among the measures being contemplated include radars to track and shoot pigeons, having guards posted in the vicinity and setting up a lab to research into biochemical methods to keep pigeons away from these statues. A US-based firm has been asked to create an electromagnetic fence around the statues. Another firm has been asked to set up a system that will let water out at regular intervals to keep the statues clean.

The UP government has threatened pigeons of dire consequences if any bird is caught soiling the statues. We will use genetic fingerprinting to identify the bird(s) and then the National Security Act will be clamped on such bird(s) immediately.

“This is another one of my initiatives for the poor of the state,” claimed Mayawathi.